From "Have To" to "Get To": The Power of Perspective
Last weekend, I found myself standing in the freezing cold, teeth chattering, watching my daughter play field hockey. Around me, parents huddled together, sharing grumbles about how we “had to” be outside in such miserable weather.
As I agreed, a thought struck me. Putting my coaching hat on, I said, “We don’t have to be here, we get to be here.”
That simple shift changed everything. We laughed about how ridiculous we sounded and how many people might envy the opportunity we were complaining about. After all, how many parents wish they could stand on the sidelines cheering for their kids? The mood shifted. Humor replaced frustration, and we enjoyed the moment, despite the cold.
This small moment reinforced a powerful lesson: how we frame what we’re doing makes all the difference.
The Power of Reframing: Move From Obligation to Privilege
Language shapes our reality. When we say we “have to” do something, it feels like an obligation—a chore we’d rather avoid. But when we say we “get to,” it transforms into an opportunity, a privilege, even a joy.
Here are some common “have to” moments we all face and how a simple reframe can shift the narrative:
"I have to go to work" → “I get to contribute to a team, grow professionally, and provide for my family.”
"I have to work out" → “I get to move my body, invest in my health, and feel stronger.”
"I have to make dinner" → “I get to feed my loved ones and share time together.”
This reframing doesn’t mean life isn’t challenging—it means recognizing the hidden privileges within those challenges.
What We Take for Granted
Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that what feels burdensome to us might be a dream for someone else.
That demanding job you’re stressed about? Imagine someone unemployed longing for an opportunity like yours.
The messy house you “have to” clean? Think of someone who dreams of having a family or a home to care for.
The tough conversations you’re avoiding? They’re a reminder that you have relationships worth investing in.
When we shift our perspective, we don’t just change how we feel about the situation—we unlock gratitude and joy in the everyday moments of life.
Who Might Envy Your “Have To’s”?
We rarely stop to consider how others might view the very things we complain about. Ask yourself:
Who would love to have your job struggles? Maybe someone just starting out in your field.
Who dreams of running errands or working out? Maybe someone facing illness or injury.
Who wishes for your family chaos? Perhaps someone longing to be a parent or missing loved ones.
Recognizing that your “have to” might be someone else’s dream helps us appreciate what we have—and often take for granted.
Practical Ways to Shift Your Perspective
Reframing takes practice, but the impact can be profound. Here are some actionable steps:
Pause and ask: “What do I get to do here?” Before complaining, consider the hidden opportunity or privilege in the moment.
Reflect on gratitude: Think about who might envy this challenge.
Surround yourself with positivity: Spend time with others who embrace this mindset and will raise your spirits and gratitude up.
Keep a “get to” journal: Each day, write down one thing you “get to” do, even if it initially feels like a “have to” (with the holidays upon us, it’s a great time to try this now).
The Privilege of the Present
As I stood on that freezing field hockey sideline, it struck me that many of us are living moments we’ll someday look back on with nostalgia. Life is full of opportunities, and how we frame them shapes how we experience them.
So, what’s one “have to” you can reframe as a “get to” today? You might be surprised by how much it transforms your perspective.
